Wednesday, October 15, 2014

First World Problems: Video game season

So video game season is upon us again. What's video game season, you ask? Why, its the time of year where all the most popular games come out all in a very short period of time, because game companies still follow the 1940's marketing dynamic of getting the most popular games and toys out just before Winter so they can be bought by parents for their kids for Christmas (starting in September).

[Funfact: This marketing season's pressures are responsible for ultimately triggering the great video game industry crash of 1983. Clue: it involves your favorite non-violent Extra-Terrestrial]

So in this day and age maintaining a robust video game lifestyle always becomes more difficult about this time of year. Even child-free adults have seemingly endless responsibilities that prevent them from spending every waking moment doing stuff they want to do, regardless of what their 13-year-old counterparts promised themselves they'd do when they grew up. But I vow to use up all of my free time on this season's new release Video Games.  I will do it to help you, the reader, waste your time more efficiently this season. In an effort to artfully help you decide what video games to get and what to skip, I give you the first installment of:

The Vorpal Chainsword's Video Game Review Haikus

Wasteland 2
Spiked bats and mo-hawk punkers
Will never get old

Middle Earth: Shadow of Mordor
Like the Force Unleashed
But with Elf Wraiths and Lembas
Stabbing Orcs is great

Alien: Isolation
Engineer searching
1970s Spaceship
Don't trust the androids

*Note: All videogame screenshots blantantly stolen off the internets.
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