Sunday, February 8, 2015

Vikingdom: The Blood Eclipse - Bad Netflix Movie Reviews

Okay, I already know you haven't watched "Vikingdom: The Blood Eclipse" yet, so I won't go into a lot of boring critiques on specific points of the movie. What I will do is tell you this right up front: This movie is WAAAAAY better than its rating on Netflix would have you believe.

I'm serious. Its good. I mean, its not Lord of the Rings or anything, but you can tell these folks tried their hardest to make an action-adventure fantasy movie for people like us.
Now, I realize it only has 1-1/2 Stars on Netflix, but you know who rates movies on Netflix nowadays? Everyone. And have you been outside and seen Everyone lately? Everyone can be really stupid, so their collective opinions on things can often be really off. This is one of those cases. This movie was clearly made with you and I in mind: the proud... the few... the Nerdcore!

I will admit I specifically picked this movie to watch because of its 1-1/2 Star rating on Netflix. I wanted to have a bad movie to review for my 'Bad Movie Reviews' blog segments, because I felt I'd been a little too positive lately. But then I started watching it and I realized, this movie isn't bad at all! Its...maybe, artsy? Is it artsy? No, probably not. What it is is a Syfy channel original movie that must've had a more coherent and dedicated team working on it than the Syfy original movies of the past. Let me just get to what is so delightful about this film.
First, it was clearly shot with 3-D in mind, but in a strange way. Now, normally when a 3-D movie goes 2-D, the fight scenes can look ridiculous. This movie is no exception, except however they went about shooting the 3-D fight sequences in this movie makes the 2-D scenes look like they're from a high color-contrast Full Motion Video cutscene out of a 1990's PC game (but far bloodier). You remember those? Like StoneKeep or Night Trap? Yeah, its kinda like that, but higher Res. I can't explain it any better than that, but that's the primary complaint everyone has about this movie, is that the fight scenes look 'fake.' And I agree, it totally looks fake, in the BEST WAY POSSIBLE (not like the I, Frankenstein Bayformers CGI garbage fight scenes). Like a comic book, or a boardgame that uses a VHS tape you have to play along with (Atmosfear, anyone?). That's what the fight scene camera work reminds me of, and I love it.
Secondly, its got Dominic Purcell as the hero, who you may remember as Crazy Rhino from Prison Break or more recently HeatWave in the new Flash TV show. This guy can somehow look both menacing and bored at the same time. I don't know how he does it, but that kind of tired intimidation makes for a great story about A Resurrected Viking Lord on a Quest from the God Freyr to stop Thor from taking over the world.
That's right! Thor is the bad guy in this movie! Thor! Son of Odin and all that! Not always is he a blond hunky Avenger. In this movie he's an evil red-haired giant who's raised an army to destroy civilization (and those lousy Christians) and bring back 'The Old Ways.' What a great idea for a storyline. Gotta love it when mythic gods seek to bring back 'The Old Ways.' Whatever those Ways are, they're probably not good for us regular folks, of that you can be sure.
This movie is a classic bro-team up Viking quest where Dominic Purcell goes around collecting Viking bros for his team of badasses to fight soldiers and undead and stuff. It even has the classic Far East martial artist sidekick and the super-hot acrobatic-fighter lady in the group. The Vi-King has to free an ancient Druid from a cabal of Thor-ites, travel to the Viking Underworld to retrieve the Horn of Souls (or something like that), get past the armies of Viking sellouts loyal to Thor in a gigantic battle, and use the Horn of Soul-Magics to defeat Thor on the Mountain of Stonehenge Runes during The Blood Eclipse. What more can you ask for out of a movie?
...other than the cheesiest prop ever. Seriously, this movie has the most ridiculous-looking Mjolnir in movie history, which only somehow adds to its charm.

Its Vikingdom: The Blood Eclipse. Now on Netflix! Everyone seems to hate it, so you know it HAS to be good.

Check it out!

PS: I know this blog segment is called 'Bad Netflix Movie Reviews', but in this case I'm invoking the Yo! MTV Raps! terminology for Bad. Its so Bad, its Dope!

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