Now, I had never seen this movie. And as a person with a high level of self-importance and good amount of know-it-all-ism, I felt a bit of shame at that realization. I decided I needed to rectify that situation in case I'm ever at a party with Frank Mentzer and Joss Whedon and they randomly strike up a conversation about how they both love this mysterious 'fantasy-animation-origin' film I'm hearing about and I need a way to cut myself into their conversation. So I searched for an online version with Netflix and Amazon, but had no luck. Finally I just decided to take a chance and ordered the blu-ray of it, figuring it probably deserves a place next to Heavy Metal and Fire and Ice in my blu-ray collection if its so important.
So, how was it? ...Well, I watched the whole thing, so that's something I guess.
I'm going to be straight with you: Its not great. Its...weird, for sure, but that isn't what made it hard to watch. I mean, Zardoz is weird, so I know like that kind of weird. But this movie is just...I mean, its one of those films where you don't hate it, but it makes you wonder: "How did this ever get made? Who would put money into this? What the hell were they really smoking in the 70's?" Keep in mind this was the same year in which Star Wars was released, so its not like it was a bad year for movies or something.
|Hey kids! Can you use the subtle symbolism in the frame to guess whether this is the bad guy or the good guy?|
|All the army scenes are this roto-scope style. It looks kinda cool, but is really jarring next to the dumpy hero animations.|
|This is the Good Twin, named Avatar. There is way too much of this guy.|
|Fun fact: This little guy was voiced by Mark Hammill.|
|It'll cut to these sweet painted backgrounds occasionally, which look great.|
|Necron-99. Pure awesome on an ostrich-saurus.|
Then it cuts to the 'Good twin' and his team and the movie just gets...dumb. I'm sorry, but its a terrible way to spread their message of... peace? Or maybe free love? Or, like, reincarnation? Look, I'm not really sure. I know they definitely dislike Hitler, because this movie shows reels and reels of actual Hitler footage. Its like standing in the park watching a bunch of drugged-out performance artists' try to paint out their combined-message of anti-war/vegetarianism/gluten-free-love/communism on the sidewalk using fur coats and pigs blood. While they smoke cigarettes and hurl insults at you.
I mean, yeah, there's like, nips and boobs everywhere, and occasionally dudes get shot a hundred times, but it still doesn't help. Even with all the sex and violence its just flat boring. I'm sorry. I wanted to like Necron-99 and make references to him in my future D&D games, but I just don't think that'll ever happen after seeing the whole film.
|All the nips in the world can't make this film enjoyable.|
I give it 2 sexy fairies out of 10.